I am Looking Forward To The Haircut
Dolly’s haircut is scheduled for Saturday morning. I discovered a lovely spa that does cuts for Locks of Love totally free. After that, we’re each getting pedicures. (Dolly chews on her fingers something fierce and she is aware of I won’t paint her fingernails until there is a few white on the ends of them. Sadly it’s a behavior that started after coming in to Care as I do remember chopping her fingernails at the least a number of occasions two summers ago.) After our spa time we’re going to go to lunch. She’s fairly enthusiastic about getting to choose the restaurant. (Here is to hoping I can steer her to something nicer than Jack In the Box.)
Dolly has spent all week trying to convince me that she’s comfortable about getting a haircut. Initially after courtroom she was thrilled once i told her she was lastly allowed to get it lower. However later on that night time she turned issues round. Via the monitor in her room I heard, “I not joyful about a haircut Mommy! I not pleased!”
I went upstairs and found Dolly enjoying on the ground of her room. Her entire body was slumped over and she looked so sad. Protecting issues mild I advised her, “That’s Ok Dolly. You don’t have to get it minimize. Mommy will probably take you to get a trim in order that your hair will look nicer and be wholesome. However in order for you long hair you can have lengthy hair. I will not make you get it minimize.”
Dolly still sat there slumped over. Her sadness had nothing to do with the haircut (at the very least not directly). I came slightly nearer and sat down next to her. I stated, “Dolly, I believe there’s something else bothering you. Are you lacking your first mommy “
Dolly collapsed right into a puddle of tears. (This, in and of itself, is progress.) She even crawled over to my lap and let me comfort her. As is the best way of Dolly, she immediately tried to stifle these tears. I instructed her it is good to cry. I advised her to let it out.
Then we processed. I reminded her that she 100 virgin hair bundle deals is going to at all times love her first mommy 100 virgin hair bundle deals and that it’s good. It’s Okay. Her coronary heart is massive sufficient to love us each. I did every part I might to validate those feelings that she doesn’t understand. I’m making an attempt to present her words for issues. She didn’t speak a lot. But she listened.
Side notice: Dude was listening too. It is so radically different between the children. I instructed Dolly that it is Ok to overlook her mother and Dude popped off within the background, “I don’t!” He will sometime. But proper now, he simply doesn’t perceive Dolly’s grief.
For the first time ever Dolly asked me, “Why my mommy no keep me secure ”
I requested Dolly if she remembered anyone smoking in front of her or utilizing drugs. She stated no. I requested her if she remembered ever being left alone. She said no. Dolly literally has no idea what it was in her life that precipitated her to are available to Care. She would not remember any abuse or neglect.
So..I explained medicine. I explained that some medication are good and they assist individuals. I mentioned other drugs are unhealthy and the police say we won’t have them. I reminded Dolly of the day she got here to my home. I advised her that she had been on their own in a lodge room and nobody knew the place her mommy was. Throughout the entire dialog I tried laborious to honor Dolly’s household and to not add shame to something. I advised Dolly that it is very, very troublesome to get better sometimes and Dolly’s first mom is having a tough time. That is how I explain “jail” to Dude and Dolly. I tell them it is a spot where grown-ups go if they’re having a hard time retaining themselves protected. I say it is a place to assist the grown-ups. (No sense in my opinion trying to explain laws or anything else. I just focus every little thing on staying safe. Dude and Dolly got here to me so I may keep them safe. Their mother and dad are in jail because they weren’t keeping themselves safe.)
I ended things by telling Dolly that I’ll always keep her secure and that she will be able to love everyone. She really needs to hear that it is Okay to nonetheless love her first mommy a lot. (Especially since Dude saved making comments about liking it right here and not liking his first mom.) It’s also getting tougher for Dolly as a result of she does not remember her first mom properly. She has one fleeting reminiscence of consuming ice cream at a park with her first mother. That’s it. The lack of reminiscences is frightening to her. She must know it’s Ok to love somebody she barely remembers.
About 5 minutes after I left Dolly’s room and came again downstairs, Dolly skipped up to me and mentioned, “I’m pleased a few haircut Mommy.”
All week lengthy now Dolly has been telling me, “I’m happy a couple of haircut.” I can tell she’s attempting to psych herself up for it. Dolly has no concept what to expect.
Most of the time I simply smile and tell Dolly I’m glad she’s pleased. I will say something like, “I wager it will be nice to be in a position to leave your hair down generally.” At least a pair occasions I’ve told her that the haircut will in all probability make her unhappy too. I am satisfied she’s going to have somewhat “buyer’s remorse” when all is alleged and completed. Much of Dolly’s identification is wrapped around that lengthy, lengthy hair. It’s the main focus of whole strangers every time we exit. She cannot be in public with out somebody speaking about it and/or touching it. That will all stop when she gets it reduce.
However Dolly is tired of how long it takes to care for the hair. And Dolly is drained of getting to wear it up 100% of the time. She actually does need it minimize and I feel eventually she’s going to actually prefer it.
I am trying ahead to the haircut. I can not anticipate my life to be just a little bit easier. However here I go once more, throwing extra change on my kid! Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day!!