I’m Looking Forward To The Haircut
Dolly’s haircut is scheduled for Saturday morning. I discovered a lovely spa that does cuts for Locks of Love at no cost. After that, we are each getting pedicures. (Dolly chews on her fingers something fierce and she knows I will not paint her fingernails till there is a few white on the ends of them. Sadly it’s a black human hair weaves behavior that started after coming in to Care as I do remember reducing her fingernails at least a number of instances two summers in the past.) After our spa time we’re going to go to lunch. She’s pretty enthusiastic about getting to pick the restaurant. (This is to hoping I can steer her to something nicer than Jack Within the Box.)
Dolly has spent all week making an attempt to convince me that she’s completely happy about getting a haircut. Initially after court docket she was thrilled when i informed her she was finally allowed to get it minimize. But later on that night she turned things round. Through the monitor in her room I heard, “I not joyful a couple of haircut Mommy! I not completely satisfied!”
I went upstairs and located Dolly enjoying on the ground of her room. Her entire body was slumped over and she appeared so sad. Retaining issues light I told her, “That’s Ok Dolly. You do not should get it reduce. Mommy will most likely take you to get a trim in order that your hair will look nicer and be wholesome. However in order for you lengthy hair you can have lengthy hair. I will not make you get it reduce.”
Dolly nonetheless sat there slumped over. Her sadness had nothing to do with the haircut (a minimum of circuitously). I got here a little bit closer and sat down next to her. I mentioned, “Dolly, I feel there’s one thing else bothering you. Are you lacking your first mommy “
Dolly collapsed right into a puddle of tears. (This, in and of itself, is progress.) She even crawled over to my lap and let me comfort her. As is the way of Dolly, she immediately tried to stifle these tears. I informed her it is good to cry. I told her to let it out.
Then we processed. I reminded her that she’s going to all the time love her first mommy and that it is good. It is Okay. Her coronary heart is big enough to love us each. I did every part I might to validate those emotions that she does not perceive. I’m making an attempt to provide her phrases for things. She didn’t talk a lot. However she listened.
Side note: Dude was listening too. It is so radically totally different between the kids. I told Dolly that it’s Okay to overlook her mom and Dude popped off in the background, “I don’t!” He will someday. However proper now, he simply would not understand Dolly’s grief.
For the primary time ever Dolly asked me, “Why my mommy no keep me protected ”
I black human hair weaves requested Dolly if she remembered anybody smoking in front of her or utilizing medication. She stated no. I asked her if she remembered ever being left alone. She mentioned no. Dolly literally has no concept what it was in her life that prompted her to come in to Care. She does not remember any abuse or neglect.
So..I defined drugs. I explained that some medication are good and they assist individuals. I stated different drugs are unhealthy and the police say we won’t have them. I reminded Dolly of the day she got here to my residence. I told her that she had been on their lonesome in a hotel room and no person knew where her mommy was. All through the complete conversation I tried arduous to honor Dolly’s household and to not add shame to anything. I instructed Dolly that it’s extremely, very troublesome to get better typically and Dolly’s first mom is having a hard time. That’s how I clarify “jail” to Dude and Dolly. I inform them it is a place where grown-ups go if they’re having a hard time conserving themselves protected. I say it is a place to assist the grown-ups. (No sense for my part trying to explain legal guidelines or anything else. I simply focus every part on staying secure. Dude and Dolly came to me so I may keep them protected. Their mother and dad are in jail because they weren’t holding themselves protected.)
I ended issues by telling Dolly that I will at all times keep her safe and that she can love everyone. She really wants to hear that it’s Okay to nonetheless love her first mommy so much. (Particularly since Dude stored making feedback about liking it here and never liking his first mother.) It is also getting more durable for Dolly because she would not remember her first mother effectively. She has one fleeting reminiscence of consuming ice cream at a park together with her first mother. That’s it. The lack of recollections is frightening to her. She needs to know it’s Okay to love someone she barely remembers.
About 5 minutes after I left Dolly’s room and came again downstairs, Dolly skipped as much as me and said, “I am happy about a haircut Mommy.”
All week long now Dolly has been telling me, “I am completely happy about a haircut.” I can inform she’s trying to psych herself up for it. Dolly has no idea what to count on.
Most of the time I just smile and inform Dolly I am glad she’s comfortable. I will say something like, “I guess will probably be good to be ready to go away your hair down sometimes.” No less than a pair times I’ve told her that the haircut will most likely make her unhappy too. I am satisfied she’s going to have slightly “purchaser’s remorse” when all is said and executed. Much of Dolly’s id is wrapped around that long, lengthy hair. It is the focus of total strangers each time we exit. She can’t be in public without somebody speaking about it and/or touching it. That will all cease when she will get it cut.
However Dolly is tired of how long it takes to care for the hair. And Dolly is drained of having to wear it up 100% of the time. She really does want it reduce and I think finally she is going to actually like it.
I’m looking ahead to the haircut. I am unable to anticipate my life to be a little bit bit simpler. But here I am going again, throwing more change on my child! Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day!!