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August 16, 2018
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I am Looking Ahead To The Haircut

Dolly’s haircut is scheduled for Saturday morning. I discovered a lovely spa that does cuts for Locks of Love without spending a dime. After that, we are both getting pedicures. (Dolly chews on her fingers one thing fierce and she is aware of I won’t paint her fingernails until there is a few white on the ends of them. Sadly it is a behavior that started after coming in to Care as I do remember reducing her fingernails not less than a couple of times two summers ago.) After our spa time we are going to go to lunch. She’s fairly excited about getting to pick the restaurant. (Here is to hoping I can steer her to one thing nicer than Jack In the Box.)

Dolly has spent all week attempting to convince me that she’s comfortable about getting a haircut. Initially after court she was thrilled once i advised her she was lastly allowed to get it lower. However later on that night she turned issues round. By the monitor in her room I heard, “I not blissful about a haircut Mommy! I not completely happy!”

I went upstairs and located Dolly enjoying on the flooring of her room. Her entire body was slumped over and she appeared so unhappy. Protecting things gentle I instructed her, “That is Okay Dolly. You do not need to get it minimize. Mommy will probably take you to get a trim in order that your hair will look nicer and be wholesome. However if you want long hair you may have lengthy hair. I won’t make you get it lower.”

Dolly still sat there slumped over. Her sadness had nothing to do with the haircut (at least not directly). I came slightly closer and sat down next to can you shower with extensions her. I said, “Dolly, I believe there’s something else bothering you. Are you missing your first mommy “

Dolly collapsed right into a puddle of tears. (This, in and of itself, is progress.) She even crawled over to my lap and let me comfort her. As is the best way of Dolly, she immediately tried to stifle those tears. I told her it is good to cry. I instructed her to let it out.

Then we processed. I reminded her that she is going to at all times love her first mommy and that it is good. It is Okay. Her coronary heart is big sufficient to love us each. I did everything I could to validate those emotions that she would not perceive. I am attempting to provide her phrases for things. She didn’t discuss a lot. But she listened.

Aspect notice: Dude was listening too. It is so radically totally different between the youngsters. can you shower with extensions I advised Dolly that it’s Okay to overlook her mom and Dude popped off in the background, “I do not!” He will someday. However right now, he just would not understand Dolly’s grief.

For the primary time ever Dolly asked me, “Why my mommy no keep me protected ”
I asked Dolly if she remembered anybody smoking in front of her or utilizing medication. She stated no. I requested her if she remembered ever being left alone. She stated no. Dolly actually has no thought what it was in her life that precipitated her to are available to Care. She doesn’t remember any abuse or neglect.

So..I explained medicine. I defined that some medication are good and they help individuals. I mentioned other medication are unhealthy and the police say we can’t have them. I reminded Dolly of the day she got here to my home. I instructed her that she had been on their own in a hotel room and no one knew the place her mommy was. All through the whole conversation I tried exhausting to honor Dolly’s household and to not add disgrace to anything. I advised Dolly that it’s totally, very troublesome to get better typically and Dolly’s first mother is having a hard time. That’s how I explain “jail” to Dude and Dolly. I tell them it’s a spot where grown-ups go if they are having a hard time protecting themselves safe. I say it’s a spot to assist the grown-ups. (No sense in my view trying to clarify laws or anything. I simply focus all the things on staying safe. Dude and Dolly got here to me so I may keep them safe. Their mother and pop are in jail because they weren’t holding themselves secure.)

I ended issues by telling Dolly that I’ll always keep her secure and that she will be able to love everyone. She actually needs to listen to that it is Okay to still love her first mommy lots. (Particularly since Dude stored making feedback about liking it here and never liking his first mother.) It is also getting harder for Dolly as a result of she would not remember her first mom well. She has one fleeting reminiscence of consuming ice cream at a park along with her first mom. That is it. The lack of recollections is frightening to her. She needs to know it’s Ok to love someone she barely remembers.

About 5 minutes after I left Dolly’s room and came back downstairs, Dolly skipped up to me and stated, “I’m joyful a few haircut Mommy.”

All week lengthy now Dolly has been telling me, “I am completely satisfied a couple of haircut.” I can inform she’s trying to psych herself up for it. Dolly has no concept what to count on.

Most of the time I simply smile and inform Dolly I’m glad she’s joyful. I’ll say something like, “I bet it will likely be good to be able to go away your hair down sometimes.” No less than a couple instances I’ve informed her that the haircut will probably make her sad too. I’m convinced she’s going to have a little bit “purchaser’s remorse” when all is said and performed. Much of Dolly’s id is wrapped around that lengthy, long hair. It is the main focus of complete strangers every time we go out. She can’t be in public without somebody talking about it and/or touching it. That can all cease when she gets it cut.

However Dolly is bored with how long it takes to care for the hair. And Dolly is drained of having to wear it up 100% of the time. She really does need it reduce and I believe eventually she’s going to really prefer it.


I am wanting ahead to the haircut. I am unable to look ahead to my life to be somewhat bit simpler. But right here I go again, throwing more change on my child! Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day!!

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