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The Natural Hair Movement Failed Me

When I used to be in center college, a boy I had a crush on said that I was cute, but that he didn’t date women with “my type of hair.” I was undecided what was mistaken with “my kind of hair,” but presumably he meant the brief type. Although I never actually understood what he meant, that remark actually caught with me, as a result of I’ve hated my hair for as long as I can remember. I’ve at all times wished it have been just a bit bit longer. A tad bit fuller. And much, much thicker.

Although I used to be late to the pure hair motion, once i found it in 2013, I assumed I had found the golden grail. After studying numerous hair blogs and watching a whole bunch of YouTube movies, I concluded that sulfates, chemical relaxers, and heat were the cause of my quick, broken, and thin hair. All I needed to do was co-wash my tresses, use protecting kinds, and take some hair vitamins, and that i too might have thick curly hair. All of my hair problems can be solved.

And so my pure hair journey began, but for quite the flawed reasons. I stopped getting relaxers, and within months my hair began shedding like loopy. In line with my extensive on-line analysis, the place the place your natural hair meets your relaxed hair is called the “point of demarcation” and it is vitally fragile. Intense deep conditioning is encouraged, however some ladies simply expertise more shedding than others. I was a kind of girls that experienced intense shedding. So after a month of my hair falling out in handfuls, a new beautician pushed me to chop my hair. Recognizing my anxiety, she tried to depart some of my relaxed hair at the highest, so I did not really feel quite as bad.

After a number of weeks of wanting a bit crazy, one my besties sat me down with some scissors, and mentioned, “Sweetie, that hair at the highest has to go. Belief me, it’s going to look higher.” Stuffed with worry, I finally gave in, and let her lower the final little bit of relaxed hair off the top of my head. I felt a mix of feelings. I used to be relieved but nervous. Over the next few days, she taught me learn how to finger coil my new teeny weeny afro (TWA), confirmed me her favourite products, and introduced me to edge management. I used to be decided to do this right. So I changed my weight loss plan, starting figuring out, drinking water, slicing chemicals out of my weight-reduction plan and rich auburn blonde my magnificence products, all to add in my hair growth (and physique objectives). Healthy hair comes from healthy habits, I saved reading. So being the over-achiever I’m, I adopted the entire healthy habits I may.

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Anytime I got depressed about my lower than an inch of hair, I might simply google pure hair types, and day dream of how my hair would look in a 12 months or two. In line with all the hair blogs, you might count on about ½ inch of hair development each month. So I anticipated to have a head stuffed with bouncy moisturized curls within a 12 months. And that i simply knew that inside 2 years, I would be slaying my IG with the entire pure lady hair kinds. All of my buddies had lengthy luscious hair after so effortlessly going natural, so I knew it was doable. I informed myself that if I could just put up with my TWA for a 12 months or so, I might have a lifetime of healthy curly hair.

But after a 12 months, something horrible occurred. My hair was rising so gradual. I was positively not getting ½ inch per thirty days. My hair was not getting thicker and my curls weren’t popping like the ladies in the blogs. I tried two strand twists, braid outs, and wash-and-gos and all of them regarded a sizzling mess. I felt like the natural hair movement had failed me. My hair didn’t have the curl all of the naturals had on my IG feed. I was furious. I had executed everything right. I had not put heat on my hair in over a year. I simply spent 1000’s of dollars on all of the newest hair care products. I was indeed a hair product junkie. And I used to be consuming clean. I lost 30 pounds! But my hair My rich auburn blonde God, my hair, simply wouldn’t act right.

I hit a low point when I found myself single after my husband and that i separated. Having quick hair and a husband was one thing. But having brief hair and being single was one thing totally different. I am positive that some guys prefer short hair, but my expertise has all the time been that guys prefer longer hair–they could not care if hair is straight or curly, however they secretly need ladies to have hair, a lot of it, and ideally not the type you could have to purchase. My hair an area of real insecurity.

Dealing with all of this anxiety and self-doubt, I met a really blunt, borderline-rude govt kind, and after a couple of drinks, he checked out me and stated, “I don’t usually like women with pure hair. You’ll look so much prettier with a weave.” I wish I may say I cursed him out or that threw my drink on him or that I gave him a lecture on black beauty and respectability politics. However I did neither. I shrunk in my seat, laughed it off, and stated, “Oh yeah, I was excited about getting a weave.”

A number of weeks later, I was driving an hour away to get my first full weave. Though I did not wish to make selections about my hair based mostly on what I assumed would entice a man, I still heard the voice of that middle faculty boy in my head. I justified my actions by telling myself that I was getting a protective model that might help my natural hair grow so that after a couple of months, my massive stunning curls can be hiding underneath. However just a few months became an over a 12 months, and that i nonetheless had nothing to show for the thousands of dollars I spent on the most effective weaves, closures, and wigs that money may buy.

Extra importantly, after just a few installs I realized I didn’t even like weaves, as a result of I truly didn’t want bone straight Eurocentric hair. I wanted curly, kinky, textured hair and that i wished to have the ability to work out without worrying about looking loopy. That is once i found crochet braids, and I have been addicted ever since. They’re healthier for my hair, I can nonetheless workout, and they’re cheaper than a weave and quicker to install.

The only drawback is that they do not help me deal with the emotional and psychological baggage I’ve with my God-given hair. I nonetheless haven’t accepted who I truly am, as a result of I nonetheless hated the stuff that grew out of my head. I have realized that I have high-quality hair that can just never be thick and full. It won’t ever seem like the girls on IG. Sure, it would grow, but it will at all times be skinny. My TWA will not be a part. It is my chosen hairstyle. My hair is brief, and I am still beautiful. And I’m studying to love the texture, length, and type of hair that grows out of my head. And that i can solely hope that the natural hair movement will be less about reaching another person’s look or length, and more about accepting ourselves as we’re. Naturally beautifully.

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